Are You Seeking External Power?

So it's been just over a week I think since I last wrote.  It feels like a month has gone by... I've been preoccupied with having met a new friend, moving into a new place to live and discovering a cute local coffee shop where I can waste my days away and take in the atmosphere... and work of course :)

So... what's really been going on?  Well I've been immersed in self awareness activities really, so much so that I have gotten a little lost in some emotions.  I have been reading Gary Zukav's book The Heart of the Soul and it has quickly become the heart of my soul and my work.  I have been steeped in what I call "the noticing".  The noticing is all about creating self awareness and self empowerment.  What do I mean by this?  Well I'm noticing how many times I look for what Gary calls external power - which can come in many forms.  External power means that we are under the false perception that we need something outside of ourselves for validation, certainty, self esteem, love or approval.

Seeking validation or acceptance outside oneself is literally an epidemic.  In fact we are raise in a culture that not only promotes this way of being but fosters it from a very young age.  How many times do we evaluate our self worth based on what others think of us, or what we wear, how we look, smell or how intelligent we are?  Ummmm... ALL THE TIME!  Seeking this type of validation or "power" externally is always a mistake.  It dis-empowers you and more importantly hides a deeper pain of feeling unworthy or not good enough.  Gary goes into other ways we seek external power in order to hide from our deep emotional wounds, the foundation of which almost always include feeling powerless, unworthy, unlovable, unsupported and alone.  Some examples of seeking external power are people pleasing/manipulation, perfectionism, workaholism and of course the ol' standbys eating and drug/alcohol addictions.

These ways of "being" in the world seem normal and almost an acceptable part of human consciousness, but the fact is that they are a dysfunctional way of relating to the world and other people.  They don't work, which is why so many relationships, friendships and other human relations break down.  We seek to control others or our external situations or environment so that we can avoid looking at the deeper issues, the pain that is beneath these "surface" emotions.  Often we think that because we get angry or sad from time to time that we are in touch with our emotions but these are decoy emotions.  They are only at the surface and keeping your awareness or "work" at this level does not take you deep enough down the rabbit hole to accomplish true emotional awareness and work required to reach authentic power.

For years I have thought myself to be not only an emotional person but some who is in touch with her emotions and very self aware.  After having had several experiences in the last year all culminating with finishing Gary's book this week, I realized that I had been merely scratching the surface with some of my deeper more profound wounds.  Doing this work is not fun, I'm not going to lie, BUT realizing that you have the power to take control of your emotions and heal at a deep level is so empowering... and truly life changing!

If you haven't read The Heart of the Soul, I highly recommend it.  I also highly recommend doing the work in the book... don't just read it for fun or for some added knowledge.  Rather, study it like a text book that you need for your studies here on what Gary calls "the Earth school".  I believe that this book is indeed required reading to graduate.  I will be starting a work and study group of this work for my clients in the very near future and I will be offering on-line session for those interested in learning to go deeper with their emotions and truly make lasting change in their lives!

Sending you love, light and truth tonight from beautiful Mexico!

What if every thought you ever had about your body were untrue??

Last night I watched a fabulous Byron Katie video on Vimeo that my friend sent to me.  It was a great reminder at how lost we get in our stories and how we torture ourselves - literally - with awful thoughts and conclusions we draw which are most of the time completely untrue.

It got me thinking about the body and the issue of body image.  Women are so hard on themselves about their bodies.  We can blame mainstream media or the bullies as children or we can take responsibility for the story that we have created or believed about our body.  For example, a common thing I hear is "I was bullied as a child for my teeth, weight, height, nose...."  insert whatever body part you like here.  As I watched the video last night and followed along with the stories being presented I realized where I had fit myself into this common "story" and how stuck I had become in it.  So stuck I hadn't really realized until last night that my body image issues were all just a story I bought into... that was NOT true.  Who would I be if I didn't believe the thought that I was - too ugly, too fat, too thin, too curly, too straight... etc?  How would I feel in my body if I didn't believe any of that?  What if all those awful things I had heard about myself as a child and told myself were untrue??  WHAT??  Having this realization is so liberating because you finally take responsibility for that toxic tape recorder in your mind.  You suddenly start paying attention to the things you have been telling yourself and you have to ask yourself "IS THAT TRUE?" to everything you think. 

So, last night as I listened to the stories of men and women who were stuck in their lives as a result of a belief they had been carrying around that was untrue I decided to use "The Work" on my longest running tape about my body!  This morning I woke up with more acceptance, compassion and gratitude for my body, every part of it.  When you look in the mirror and you start to judge yourself, STOP and ask yourself:  "How does it make me feel to have this thought? and Who would I be without this thought?"  Take a deep breath, be honest and love yourself a little more each time!

I'd love your feedback on how it's going!

Namaste

Don't Feed the Fears

Today I am aware of fear arising in me.  Fear of scarcity and survival...

If we know that the universe is abundant and never ending then why do we fear being provided for?  It is at the point of separation from the present moment that we a allow something to take hold of our thoughts and give them importance and meaning.  This insidious force that takes over has been called the ego by many schools of thought and I have affectionately named it "my monkey brain".  I say affectionately because if we rage against it or resist it we give it importance the thus feed it.

If you feed the "monkey brain" by giving your thoughts meaning and then attaching an emotion about the thoughts then the monkey grows, multiplies and invites friends over for all those great fear bananas you're feeding it.  How can we catch this seemingly unconscious process that goes on auto-pilot for most of us and takes over our day?  By tuning into the body and its sensations.

The body does not lie.  Today as I spent the morning in my "new office" I was aware of a slight anxiety that was growing.  I kept myself busy making new contacts via email and networking on Facebook and yet this feeling in the background seemed to grow.  By the time I got up to go meet a friend at her office... another local cafe... lol... I could feel that this "feeling" was not dissipating despite my every effort to ignore it.  I checked in with my body finally - what was happening?  I could sense that the area of my solar plexus was tense and active and that I had some heaviness in my heart center.  I sent breath into these areas and I asked them: "What do you need?"  Within seconds the answer came; security and certainty.  As a result of not staying present and allowing my monkey brain to take over I was now feeling anxiety in my body and mind and I was completely out of the NOW.  Did I mention I am now living in BEAUTIFUL Mexico??  Who would want to be anywhere else right?  Let alone engulfed by fear?  The fears that were arising where about my being able to financially support myself in my new life, I didn't realize it but as I was making contacts and reaching out to others I was also in fear and anxiety was rising in me.  My thought process at the time was completely unconscious and I was unaware of this silent predator.

The need for certainty is a fundamental and deep fear for most of us and it is only cure is staying in the present moment and in gratitude for what you already have.  Fears stops the universal flow that is continually waiting to give you what you need in any given moment.  When we allow our minds to get taken over by thoughts of scarcity and lack we stop the mechanism that is coming our way to provide those very things we need.

Exercise:  Stop, tune into your body, feel where the tension is, ask it to tell you what it needs and then breath... return the present moment.  Don't give your thoughts or feelings meaning... visualize them flowing through you like water through a sieve.  Focus your attention on your breath and what is around you, breath again, then make a list of all the places you are blessed and abundant!

Namaste

Listen, Trust, Choose... Change

On Thursday I arrived in Mexico again... this time for what I hope is a more permanent move and a new life.  The day I arrived it was as if I had never left, it felt just like home again and very familiar.  Although I felt this familiar hint in the air I was also extremely aware that I was here for a different reason this time.

What had led me here last time was a quest to reconnect with myself and rejoin the "flow" of life and to heal from a painful breakup and death.  This time I wasn't running from anything or to anything, I was CHOOSING a new life.  In the four months I had been back in Canada I had one by one examined all my old beliefs and let go of my past one event and one person at a time.  It was not an easy task and at times it was very painful, but it was as if I had no choice in the matter.  The universe was presenting each situation and each circumstance and person to me one by one as if to say "okay, next!".  I soon noticed the trend and became the willing participant and observer of what was happening.  I knew I was being prepared for the greatest adventure of my life yet!

So, I arrived here in Playa del Carmen fully aware that this time was different.  That this time I was creating a life I wanted and not just existing in one that was not of my "choosing"... or rather one that I had outgrown a long time ago.  From the moment I was at the airport in Toronto I realized that everything was about to change and this was the final step in letting go.  It got me thinking... why do we resist change so much?  We know that is inevitable, that all things change, but why is it so hard to step into the new?  What I have found since my last trip out here is that the fundamental issue with accepting change is TRUST.  When we don't trust that everything is happening as it should then we try and control our situations and the people in our lives.  When we don't trust then the inspirations and messages from our higher knowing get ignored of "justified" and we miss opportunities to be guided by something larger than ourselves and more intelligent than our own mind.

As I sit here in my new office (a beautiful outdoor cafe with free WIFI) I am aware that in order for me to get everything that I need from this new life and choice is to allow for it to unfold for me and to listen to the guidance that led me here.  I know that all the perfect people, places events and things that I need to take me along this journey will be presented to me and all I have to do is choose... choose to trust, choose to BE and choose to listen.  When you can learn to do this in your everyday then letting go is not as hard and you realize and that not only is it inevitable... it's essential!

Namaste